- Who can find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above rubies
- She looketh well to the ways of her household
Not long after I started this blog, I wrote a post about what "virtuous" means, in life and in this verse. While there is an element of "goodness", it's better defined as being a woman of strength, honor, valor--and yes, "goodness", or moral excellence.
Of late I feel that I've failed miserably at being a virtuous woman. Strong, brave, honorable--these are hardly words I'd use to describe myself these days. And lest you misunderstand what I mean, no, I haven't begun a life of crime or immorality. But lately I find myself drifting through my days, with no goals or purpose, other than the necessary mundane tasks of daily living, and with little or no accountability for how I spend my time.
For a while I was doing a little better. Participating in the "Philippians 3:14 Fridays" at Which Proverbs 14:1 Woman? gave me some incentive to set some goals, and a little "virtual"accountability to get some of it done for my weekly update. Unfortunately, that weekly meme died for lack of participation, and my "pressing toward the goal" in that sense died with it.
To be honest, I've had a sense of restlessness and lack of something for quite some time, but it's been getting worse and worse, and the last couple of weeks have been--well--not fun. Not for me, and certainly not for my family, poor things.
One of the things I've discovered about myself the last few years is that, while I like a certain amount of spontaneity and adventure, I really, really, really, need a sense of security and structure to hang it on. And while the important things are there--faith and family--I've allowed some of the peripherals--those less important, outside-my-sphere-of-influence-things--to loom larger and larger in my life and in my psyche, until misperceptions about that underlying structure have robbed me of my sense of purpose and security.
And so, on to what to do about it--it's one thing to realize that I've let myself go, in so many ways, and to know that I need to do something about it--but still another to know where to begin. Those peripheral issues are still there, are not in my control, nor or they changing. All I can hope to change is myself, and those things over which I do have control. One thing at a time, inch by inch, step by step.
I read a post by Jen over at Balancing Beauty and Bedlam about how changing two little things that she could control--the color of dishwashing soap she used, and the container it was in--helped lift two things she couldn't--the color of the lilies growing in her yard, and the necessity of doing dishes--from mundane to magical.
And in that short post about an everyday matter, I stumbled upon two words which for me speak of those things missing from my life lately--intent and accountability.
The definition of intent is this:
The determination or resolve to do a certain thing, or the state of mind with which something is done.
I think that's what I've been missing lately--I tell myself all the time that I intended to do this or that thing that I didn't do, but did I really start out to do them with intent, with determination and resolve? I don't think so. As a matter of fact, I know so. For all intents and purposes, I've had no intent or purpose.
And that's the part that I want to work on. Living with intent.
As a Christian, as a woman, as a wife and a mother and so much more, I want to do what I do with intent. With determination and resolve, and with a purposeful state of mind.
So far, all I have is the resolve. I'm not sure even what direction this may take me; I just know that whichever path I take, I want to follow it with intent.
This post is linked to A Beautiful Life at The Inspired Room.
Until next time....
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