Fresh Start

• Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies
• She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness

Several bloggers have been working on a theme this week and continuing for the next two weeks about making a Fresh Start in our walk with Lord. Even more are participating in a "Read the Bible through in 90 days" challenge that started on the 1st. I've been a bit behind still on catching up with what's going on around the blogosphere, so I didn't get in on either of these on the ground floor, but I want to jump in now and share a bit more about the fresh start that I've made.

I mentioned in a previous post that I'd had a personal epiphany of sorts while I was at home.

I have a long and storied history of comparing myself to others and often coming out on the short end. I was trying to think of something "spiritual" to share about that, and what comes to mind is Numbers, chapter 13, where the children of Israel sent spies into the promised land. Caleb came back encouraged about the richness of the land, and was confident that with the Lord's help they were "well able" to take the land. The other men, though, saw only the strength of the Canaanites, who they called "giants"--and this part is very telling--"but we were as grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight."

In my comparison, other people are the giants, and I'm one of the grasshoppers. And what's worse, when I continue to think of myself as a grasshopper, guess what? Other people will soon begin to see me in that way, as well.

I've had relationships in the past where it was always about the other person, and never about me. I was as a grasshopper in their sight.

My moment of clarity came when I realized--with "sudden, intuitive perception"--that I've allowed this to affect not only the way I live, but who I am--who I allow myself to be--because I worry too much about how I appear "in their sight".

The first thing that had to happen for me, at least, was a chance to repent--for worrying more about the "praises of men" than "the praise of God". Because that's what it is, you know. The Lord graciously provided me the opportunity for an extended time of prayer in relative privacy when a friend and I went to the church one day to pray, just the two of us. I spent some time literally on the altar, and felt more spiritually refreshed afterward than I have in a long time.

The Lord bought this lesson home to me several times in the following week. I had a couple of good friends who shared with me their own experiences of "lopsided" relationships. I saw an example of it in someone else who is struggling with it. And I went to a Bible study at a friends house where we discussed some related issues from a different point of scripture.

I'm thankful that the Lord does teach us as children--He doesn't just tell us something once, but He repeats it over and over, patiently, so that we can "get it".

I'll be writing more on these things in the coming days and weeks, but if you'd like to see other's insight into making a fresh start with the Lord, see Kristi's Mck Linky at Run the Earth, Watch the Sky.

Until next time...

My Epiphany

• Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies

Today, January 6th, is the Feast of Epiphany--the day we celebrate the revelation of the Christ child to the world; the day we commemorate the arrival of the Magi--the wise men--at the manger.

There is another, more general, definition of "epiphany", and it reads "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience". Basically--what we call "a light bulb moment"

I experienced an epiphany of sorts while I was at home--several of them, in fact--moments of "sudden, intuitive perception" and "insight into...reality or essential meaning".

I've been struggling with several issues for months now--some physical, some spiritual, some emotional. Why does it take so long sometimes to realize/admit that it can sometimes all be related?

As much as I had been looking forward do going home for the holidays, for some reason everything seemed to come to a head the first week we were there. I don't want to go into the gory details, but suffice it to say that it was horrid. Nothing seemed to be going right. No matter how hard I tried and what I did or didn't do, it never seemed to be right. I found myself crying a couple of times--and wishing I had the time and the privacy to cry a couple of more times.

Part of the problem was, I wasn't right. I've been hiding from some things, instead of doing the hard work and addressing them--burying my head in the sand, thinking everything would just go away. Guess what? That doesn't really work!

And I'd like to say that I had one big moment of epiphany and then everything turned around. But it was more like several small moments of clarity, that combined, added up to the equivalent of one big light bulb moment.

At each instance, I found a moment of calm; of insight and clear thought; a still, small voice that spoke nuggets of truth into my spirit that were so profound--and absolutely nothing that I didn't already know before.

The Lord is gracious that way. He gently reminds of Truths, usually when we've tried so hard to make it on our own, and finally reach the rock bottom of our strength.

As a matter of fact, that's how He works. As long as we depend on ourselves, we're like the 90 pound weakling in those funny old advertisements. And the Lord is the big strong guy--only instead of kicking sand on us, He stops and picks us up and takes us where we need to go.

Remember?

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

That's part of 2 Corinthians 12:9, by the way.

Nothing I didn't already know. But knowing is not always the same as knowing that I know that I know.

You know?

I'll be sharing a little more about my light bulb moment--my epiphany--my "sudden, intuitive perception of" or "insight into the reality or essential meaning of something", "usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience". If it results in light bulb moment, I'd say not-so-commonplace.

Until next time...