Fresh Start

• Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies
• She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness

Several bloggers have been working on a theme this week and continuing for the next two weeks about making a Fresh Start in our walk with Lord. Even more are participating in a "Read the Bible through in 90 days" challenge that started on the 1st. I've been a bit behind still on catching up with what's going on around the blogosphere, so I didn't get in on either of these on the ground floor, but I want to jump in now and share a bit more about the fresh start that I've made.

I mentioned in a previous post that I'd had a personal epiphany of sorts while I was at home.

I have a long and storied history of comparing myself to others and often coming out on the short end. I was trying to think of something "spiritual" to share about that, and what comes to mind is Numbers, chapter 13, where the children of Israel sent spies into the promised land. Caleb came back encouraged about the richness of the land, and was confident that with the Lord's help they were "well able" to take the land. The other men, though, saw only the strength of the Canaanites, who they called "giants"--and this part is very telling--"but we were as grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight."

In my comparison, other people are the giants, and I'm one of the grasshoppers. And what's worse, when I continue to think of myself as a grasshopper, guess what? Other people will soon begin to see me in that way, as well.

I've had relationships in the past where it was always about the other person, and never about me. I was as a grasshopper in their sight.

My moment of clarity came when I realized--with "sudden, intuitive perception"--that I've allowed this to affect not only the way I live, but who I am--who I allow myself to be--because I worry too much about how I appear "in their sight".

The first thing that had to happen for me, at least, was a chance to repent--for worrying more about the "praises of men" than "the praise of God". Because that's what it is, you know. The Lord graciously provided me the opportunity for an extended time of prayer in relative privacy when a friend and I went to the church one day to pray, just the two of us. I spent some time literally on the altar, and felt more spiritually refreshed afterward than I have in a long time.

The Lord bought this lesson home to me several times in the following week. I had a couple of good friends who shared with me their own experiences of "lopsided" relationships. I saw an example of it in someone else who is struggling with it. And I went to a Bible study at a friends house where we discussed some related issues from a different point of scripture.

I'm thankful that the Lord does teach us as children--He doesn't just tell us something once, but He repeats it over and over, patiently, so that we can "get it".

I'll be writing more on these things in the coming days and weeks, but if you'd like to see other's insight into making a fresh start with the Lord, see Kristi's Mck Linky at Run the Earth, Watch the Sky.

Until next time...