Where, Oh Where Can She Be?

• Who can find a virtuous woman?

I think my quest to find the virtuous woman inside of myself has been a little like searching for hidden treasure--I have a feeling that she's inside there, somewhere, but I've no real evidence of it of late.

My posting has been a bit sporadic--I admit it, I've been struggling with my blogs, as well as twitter --something about it all has been a bit--"off" recently.

Part of it is circumstantial...

It's been brutally hot this summer, so I haven't cooked, thrifted or chased deals much.

I've been tryng to use down my freezer stash to make room for homegrown meat and vegetables from home--where we'll be headed in two days!

We didn't do a lot the first part of the summer, again due to the heat, but for the last couple of weekends we've been taking some day and weekend trips and sight seeing a lot, trying to get some quality family time before our son heads back to college for the fall, and while I've really enjoyed many parts of that, it has definitely taken me outside of my comfort zone on a couple of occasions.

But part of it has been me...

My plans--my plans--have been frustrated several times due to circumstances beyond my control, and I don't handle the stress and the frustration well. In fact, I've handled it poorly several times.

I haven't opened my mouth with wisdom and kindness--more like whining and complaining. And sighing. Lots and lots of sighing.

I haven't behaved in a way for my husband or child to praise me--they do well to be able to tolerate me at times.

If I had to eat of the fruit of my hands, it'd be either over ripe or dried up.

And yet...

I found a gem of a thought this week in a book from Beth Moore, John: 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple (Personal Reflections) I can't do Beth Moore justice, but this is what it spoke to me.

In John 21:7, Jesus has been resurrected, but is not spending a lot of time with the disciples. They're back at their old occupation of fishing. John recognizes that it's Jesus on the shore, but it's Peter who acts. He strips off his clothes and just plunges in. Never mind asking to be able to walk on water again--it's not about the thrill, it's not about the miracle, it doesn't matter if the water is cold, or deep, or what may be hidden in the depths--he had to get to the Master

And the Master, after feeding them, gave Peter a chance to tell Him that he loved Him. Not just once, but three times. Coincidence that Peter had also denied Him three times? Maybe. Or maybe not.

So what does that mean to me? Sometimes you have to get beyond what you look like to others. Sometimes you have to get over your fears of what lies hidden in the depths that you can't see. And sometimes you have to plunge ahead instead of sitting and waiting. You might get wet, but you'll get there before everyone else.

And so, here I go, taking that plunge.

And telling the Lord I love Him. I'm so glad He loves me, too, even when I'm not so virtuous.

Until next time...